


A Pear is a Failed Apple

by imnotokaywiththerunning



Series: What's a Bingo? [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Drunk Shenanigans, Gen, Good Omens Bingo 2021, M/M, things that are pear-shaped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29622246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotokaywiththerunning/pseuds/imnotokaywiththerunning
Summary: “Why are pears so bad anyway?” Crowley asked his sixth glass of wine.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: What's a Bingo? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2176467
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: Good Omens Bingo 2021





	A Pear is a Failed Apple

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the Good Omens Bingo for the prompt “pear.”

“Why are pears so bad anyway?” Crowley asked his sixth glass of wine. The dark red liquid swirled just so in the glass that his eyes couldn’t help but follow the tiny waves. 

“Pears are _nice_.”

The frown in that phrase was so audible that Crowley finally looked up into the incredibly bemused face of his companion. Aziraphale, slumped in his armchair, was the picture of confusion. He squinted mightily at Crowley as if seeing him better would help him understand. Crowley’s lips curled into a soft smile before he could swallow it into a grimace. 

“You know,” he said, slinging his hands wide. Aziraphale’s gaze shifted to Crowley’s wine glass swinging precariously close to a stack of books. “Pear-shaped. What’s so bad about being pear-shaped.”

“Nothing? It just describes something that’s shaped like a pear.” Aziraphale answered simply.

“Noo,” Crowley groaned. “I mean, why is it bad that things go pear-shaped?”

“Ah.” Aziraphale’s eyes lit up with the chance to talk about one of his favorite subjects--etymology. He settled back into his chair with a wiggle, cradling his wine glass in both hands on his ample belly. Crowley lounged back into the worn sofa in the back of Aziraphale’s bookshop to enjoy the show. 

“Well, ‘to go pear shaped’ just means that things have gone poorly and generally failed. It was generally acquainted with the Royal Air Force during the Second World War, being used as a more civilised version of ‘tits up.’ But the first use of it in print was in Ethell and Price’s book _Air War South Atlantic_ published in 1983.” He paused for a moment. “I don’t agree with either of those assessments, though. I’m quite sure I heard it being used in King Arthur’s court once.”

“Well aren’t you just a regular urban dictionary,” Crowley smirked and waited for the angel’s reaction.

“A what?” Aziraphale’s confidence melted once more into confusion. He looked around his bookshop thoughtfully. “I don’t think I have an urban dictionary. Is it new? I’ve not heard of it before.”

Crowley guffawed, shaking so much in his mirth that his wine slipped over the rim of his glass. A quick snap of Aziraphale’s fingers brought Crowley back to reality. His wine glass now empty from Aziraphale’s quick miracle to save the books from the wine, Crowley grimaced an apology. “Sorry, angel.”

“Yes, well.” Aziraphale set his own glass down on his desk with a firm thud. He rubbed his hands down his thighs as if to wipe off some non-existent lint. He kept his eyes on his hands as he said, “You know, I’ve got some work to do tonight. I’ve been putting it off, but I can’t do that forever now, can I?” 

“Of course.” Crowley stood up from the sofa, suddenly sober, and slipped on his dark glasses. Aziraphale had still yet to look at him. “I’ll just leave you to it then.”

Crowley left the bookshop with a lead weight in his gut telling him that he’d screwed up again. 


End file.
